The Adult in the Mirror:

How Adultish Can Help You Reframe Your Body Image

Read more about Charlotte Markey at the end of the blog.

Adultish: The Body Image Book for Life is a self-help book written for teens and adults. It picks up where my first two books in the Body Image Book series, The Body Image Book for Girls: Love Yourself and Grow Up Fearless and Being You: The Body Image Book for Boys, left off.  Whereas those books were written for tweens and younger teens as they navigate changing, pubertal bodies, Adultish delves into more diverse topics for more mature readers.

Five key points that I explore in Adultish include:

I. A positive body image can look different for different people.

The goal of all of my books is to help people feel good about themselves.  But that doesn’t look the same for each person.  

Body image is not just our thoughts and feelings about our appearance; body image is a central piece of our identity. Our bodies are a significant part of who we are.  Some people may get to a point where they typically feel pretty comfortable in their skin and genuinely appreciate (at least some) aspects of their appearance.  Some people may reach a state of acceptance and contentment  and choose to focus less on their appearance when  valuing themselves, commonly known as body neutrality. Some may reach a sense of authentic joy and body positivity.  

A positive body image can take different forms and may shift across people’s lives. It does not require ongoing self-love as much as self-respect.

II. A positive body image contributes to mental health.

The early adult years are a time of mental health vulnerability with both biological and psychosocial forces contributing to increases in mental health problems.  Even before the pandemic, there was data suggesting an increase in mental health concerns among youth, and the pandemic may have exacerbated that trend. However, a positive body image may buffer us from other mental health concerns.

Of course, there’s a reciprocal relationship between body image and mental health. Developing a positive body image doesn’t guarantee protection against other mental health problems, but it may shield us from some. Feeling comfortable in our skin can also make it easier to seek out help should mental health problems befall us. When we have a clear sense of self-respect we appreciate that we deserve help.

III. A positive relationship with your body can facilitate a positive relationship with food.

What we eat impacts our body image in direct and indirect ways. Sometimes eating empowers our body image when we nourish ourselves and feel energetic and satiated. In contrast, eating can lead to unnecessary guilt or shame, when we believe we have overindulged or ate something deemed “unhealthy”.  Guilt and shame detract from positive body image development but can only be shed when we stop moralizing food and placing certain foods on a pedestal.  

Attending to our particular nutritional needs – whether that be eating foods we enjoy, eating at times of the day we are particularly hungry, or avoiding foods we are allergic to – allows food to be a positive contributor to who we are and how we feel about ourselves. For many of us, this means unlearning problematic “food rules” that were imparted to us by (typically) well-meaning parents, teachers, or even physicians.  

IV. A positive body image is often the result of strategic thoughts and behaviors.

We are not born with body dissatisfaction. We learn to be dissatisfied with our bodies in a culture that relentlessly suggests that appearance ideals are attainable;  if only we just work hard enough, buy the right products, and invest the time and energy, we can achieve these ideals.  Further, we are sold a myth of transformation (as body image scientists sometimes call it), that achieving appearance ideals will make us happier, better liked, and more successful. However, transforming ourselves externally does not magically change everything about our lives.

We can be strategic in trying to change our thoughts and behaviors with the aim of improving our body images. For example, choosing not to disparage ourselves and our bodies creates opportunities for positive thoughts to settle in. Focusing on our physical functionality and finding ways to pleasurably experience our bodies allows healthy physical activity habits to form. Practicing gratitude grants us permission to attend to positive aspects of ourselves.     

V. Your positive body image can help create cultural change.

The culture we live in does not create an environment that fosters positive body images. Unrealistic appearance ideals (for all genders) abound and it can require work to resist these ideals.  In this resistance, however, we can create cultural change that allows for appreciation of all our unique qualities.

Instead of investing time in appearance culture, we can choose to invest some time in ourselves in the service of other goals. Valuing ourselves for more than our appearance creates an example for others and can help  teach younger generations to create balance in their lives between appearance goals and other, arguably more important goals.

How do we want to be remembered? As people who looked impeccable or people who created kindness in the world? 

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Learn about Charlotte Markey