Holiday Anxiety Unwrapped

Holiday Anxiety Unwrapped:
Navigating Seasonal Stress

This blog is authored by Brittany Augugliaro, LMSW, a licensed social worker, therapist and school programming consultant at Mind Blossom. 

It provides you with insights about what holiday anxiety really is, as well as concrete steps to help yourself or others.

The holiday season, often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and merriment, occasionally ushers in an uninvited guest – holiday anxiety. This unwelcome feeling can sneak up on you, casting a shadow over the festive melodies and twinkling lights, causing you to second-guess every step you take. You might find yourself pondering, “Am I the only one feeling this way?” It’s essential to understand that you’re not alone in experiencing holiday anxiety; it’s a common concern for many, and addressing it is key. For me, holiday anxiety often manifests as sleepless nights. Lying in bed, tossing and turning, thinking about all the tasks I need to complete. I worry that the turkey won’t be cooked to perfection, the gifts won’t be appreciated, or the house won’t be clean enough. As the holiday season unfolds, the pressure of creating lasting memories for loved ones becomes emotionally taxing.

The holidays often come with a myriad of expectations and pressures.

Between the pursuit of preparing an elaborate dinner, hunting for the perfect gift, or the pressures of hosting or attending gatherings, a multitude of stressors can induce anxiety during this season, including:

1. Social Expectations: One of the primary sources of holiday anxiety is the social aspect. The pressure to engage in numerous social events, sometimes with people you don’t see often, can be overwhelming. Feelings of inadequacy, social anxiety, or even the fear of judgment can create a sense of unease. If you often find yourself inclined to please others, it can become increasingly difficult to strike a balance between meeting social expectations and safeguarding your own well-being. This is a challenge that our Chief Marketing Officer, Iulia, is intimately familiar with:

“I’ve always LOVED the holidays. Having always had family spread across many continents, the holidays always meant togetherness. But with that came a lot of pressure, and I felt the heaviness of it many times as I was usually the one who was more mobile or the one who lived far away from everyone else. An added element of stress and pressure came whenever I was in a relationship and had to determine how to fairly split the time and make everyone happy. Let me tell you — being a people pleaser is hard enough — but during the holidays, it can be an incredible weight. Taking a moment and thinking back to when I was younger, I realize the fear of missing out or of disappointing loved ones led me to go over the top during the holidays. My one piece of advice to everyone out there that this resonates with: Keep the focus on what you really value deep down to help allay the fears.” – Iulia, Chief Marketing Officer at Mind Blossom

2. Personal expectations: The self-imposed pressure to fulfill certain ideals during the holiday season can be burdensome. Striving for perfection in gift-giving, decorating, or maintaining a picture-perfect holiday image can lead to stress and a sense of inadequacy. Balancing your own desires and aspirations with the realities of the holiday season can be challenging, often causing internal conflicts that add to the overall unease. If you tend to set high personal standards, finding harmony between your own expectations and your well-being can become an intricate juggling act during the holiday season. Here is Jessica’s depiction of the difficulties she encounters when dealing with personal expectations:

“Feeling the need to have everything done perfectly and on time, especially when hosting, makes me go into what I call overdrive. I become obsessive about the placement of items and cleanliness. This keeps me up at night, sometimes to the point where I have to get up and move something or fix something that I feel is “wrong,” when in reality, I’m the only one who notices.” – Jessica, School Programming Consultant at Mind Blossom

3. Financial Strain: Gift-giving and holiday festivities can strain your budget, leading to financial anxiety. The desire to create magical moments for loved ones can sometimes lead to overspending, further exacerbating stress.

4. Time Management: Balancing work, family, and holiday commitments can be a daunting task. The hustle and bustle of shopping, decorating, and meal preparation often leave individuals feeling rushed and overwhelmed. A Mind Blossom team member explains how the interplay of time management with personal and social expectations contributes to her feelings of holiday-induced anxiety:

“As a parent, a lot of my holiday anxiety stems from trying to make the holidays magical for my kids. I’m always wondering—am I doing enough? Did we fit in all of the holiday activities? Do I have all the gifts they want? Is it feeling as special as the kids want it to? Then there’s coordinating family—family is complicated and messy, and they never all get along. For me, that means hosting several different events to avoid run-ins between family members who aren’t fans of one another, which can take away from me having a positive holiday experience. This year, we’ve decided to host two separate parties on Christmas Eve so that the kids can see all the family they want, but we also get a chill Christmas Day at home to hang out in jammies and play with their new toys.” – Mind Blossom Team Member

5. Family Dynamics: The holidays may bring families together, and while this can be a wonderful experience, it can also be a source of tension. Old disagreements, family dynamics, and expectations can create a unique set of holiday-related stressors. One individual shared: 

“A large part of my holiday anxiety comes from not being openly out to certain members of extended family (for complicated reasons) and feeling like I have to hide a deep part of my identity at holiday gatherings, where dating, relationships, and marriage are constant topics of conversation.” – Anonymous

So, what can you do to navigate holiday anxiety and ensure that you have a more enjoyable and peaceful season?

1. Set Realistic Expectations: It’s essential to manage your own and others’ expectations. Remember that perfection isn’t necessary, and it’s okay to say no to some social engagements if it’s too much. Focus on what truly matters to you. 

Iulia, our Chief Marketing Officer, gives excellent input on what steps to take to set realistic expectations. I could not agree with her more: 

1. Managing Personal Expectations
2. Managing Others’ Expectations
3. Learning to Say No
4. Focusing on What Truly Matters
5. Finding Balance

2. Create a Budget: Plan your holiday spending ahead of time. Setting a budget and sticking to it can alleviate financial anxiety. Meaningful, thoughtful gifts need not be extravagant.

These are the steps I take to create a thoughtful budget for my holiday spending: 

1. Determining a Total Budget
2. Listing Expenses
3. Allocating Funds
4. Planning Thoughtful and Meaningful Gifts
5. Monitoring and Adjusting 

3. Time Management: Prioritize your commitments and don’t be afraid to delegate tasks or ask for help. Creating a schedule and sticking to it can help manage time-related stress.

One of our team members gives a really important example of the challenges of balancing their children’s expectations and family events. For them, a major component is time management, including:  

1. Prioritizing Commitments
2. Delegating and Asking for Help
3. Creating a Schedule
4. Sticking to a Schedule
5. Regularly Reviewing and Adjusting

4. Communication: Open and honest communication with family and friends is crucial. Address any underlying issues or concerns with empathy and understanding. Sometimes, a calm and honest conversation can alleviate family-related stress.

Communication is difficult, and there is no easy solution. As a licensed social worker, these are some of the steps I recommend my clients take as the holidays approach: 

1. Prioritizing Open Communication
2. Addressing Underlying Issues
3. Approaching with Empathy and Understanding
4. Initiating Calm and Honest Conversations
5. Maintaining Consistent Communication

5. Self-Care: Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Amid the holiday rush, find moments to relax, practice self-care, and maintain your physical and mental well-being. I firmly believe that self-care is not bound by a singular role but instead serves as a versatile tool that can be tailored to an individual’s unique needs and circumstances. For me, it encompasses both proactive measures aimed at maintaining overall well-being and responsive strategies to address the effects of stress or burnout. This holistic perspective on self-care, which I’ve developed through my professional education and own personal journey, underscores its significance in promoting not just physical health but also mental and emotional well-being.

Pernille, Mind Blossom’s CEO, and I are adamant about the importance of taking care of yourself every day, and not just during the holidays. With that said, the holidays are a time we may need to be particularly thoughtful about maintaining our self-care habits. These are some of the things we make sure to keep in mind as the holidays approach:  

1. Remembering to Take Care of  Myself (Inside and Out)
2. Finding Moments to Relax
3. Maintaining Physical and Mental Well-Being
4. Taking Breaks When Needed

6. Seek Support: Mental health conditions and chronic stress may intensify during the holiday season, and it’s not unusual to experience an exacerbation of your symptoms during this time. If holiday anxiety is overwhelming, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor. They offer valuable strategies and coping mechanisms for addressing stress by identifying the specific triggers of holiday anxiety, whether stemming from family dynamics, social events, or financial pressures. They assist in developing personalized techniques for managing these stressors, which may encompass relaxation exercises, mindfulness practices, and cognitive-behavioral strategies aimed at reframing negative thoughts.

Final thoughts

In conclusion, the holiday season, while often associated with joy and celebration, can also bring about the unwelcome visitor of holiday anxiety. Understanding that you are not alone in experiencing these feelings is important, as many individuals grapple with the pressures of social expectations, personal ideals, financial constraints, time management, and complex family dynamics. By embracing realistic expectations, creating a budget, managing your time, fostering open communication, practicing self-care, and seeking support when needed, you can navigate holiday anxiety and find genuine enjoyment and significance in the holiday season. Remember, your mental well-being matters, not just during the holidays but always, and with the appropriate strategies and support, you can conquer holiday anxiety and genuinely embrace the joy and significance of the holidays.

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