The Delusion of an Eating Disorder & How to Find Support as a Loved One
This blog is co-authored by Morgan DiPrimo and Pernille Bülow, PhD.
Read more about the authors’ personal journey with eating disorders at the end of the page.
This blog reflects the personal story of Morgan DiPrimo’s, our Mind Blossom team member, personal struggle with battling an eating disorder. The first part (noted with italics formatting) is an excerpt from Morgan’s upcoming memoir.
An eating disorder is the disease that tells us we don’t have a disease. It is the disease of skewed perception. It is the disease of “everyone else is delusional and I am fine.” It is the disease of, “Only this one time” or “I don’t do it enough for it to be a real problem” or “This is the absolute last time.” I often compared my eating disorder to Alice in Wonderland. When Alice falls down the rabbit hole and ends up in Wonderland, she starts to obey the rules of madness. Alice’s “real world” almost became nonexistent. After the duration of time, the once obscure rules of wonderland began to become plausible. I fell down the rabbit hole of Anorexia, my world turned into a world of madness and delusion. My world was filled with routine, rules, and a false sense of control. Like Alice, I became disconnected from reality and operated in a world of delusion, the world of an eating disorder.
Almost everyone who has suffered with or suffers with an eating disorder, speaks about “the voice.” Now as humans, we all deal with a “voice” that we generally refer to as our subconscious. Our subconscious is our guide to life; It informs us right from wrong, good from bad, logical from illogical etc. However, with eating disorders and addiction, very often the sufferer will experience a sick voice. The sick voice is delusional and nonsensical. When you first become sick with an eating disorder, the sick voice can disguise itself as the subconscious. The sick voice will present you with a series of rules and orders to follow to ease anxiety, fears, or doubts. However, unbeknownst to you, when you continuously follow the sick voice, you are only falling deeper down the rabbit hole of an eating disorder or addiction.
When the sufferer continues to follow the behaviors for a long period of time, the behaviors can become habitual and automatic. The delusion of the disorder can become rational. The eating disorder can convince the sufferer that if anyone tries to intervene, they are evil and untrustworthy. In my experience, in the darkest moments of my illness was when I only trusted my eating disorder. Living only trusting your eating disorder, is like living only trusting a murder. You live on edge. You are not sure how to escape but you are also strangely loyal and protective. You are afraid of what will happen if you escape.
Very often when we see someone suffering from an eating disorder, we see the result of toxic behaviors that have been going on for probably quite some time. The sufferer’s world is full of secrecy and lies to protect the disorder. We rarely get inside look at what the sufferer day to day looks like, what they experience and feel. I speak from experience when I say, there is nothing glamorous, trendy or beautiful about an eating disorder. It is harmful to not just the sufferer but the supporters as well.
At Mind Blossom, the essence of our mission is to help people help others. It’s incredibly challenging to help someone with an eating disorder, because they, as Morgan mentions, resist not just treatment but the idea that they are sick. For many, the eating disorder becomes a refuge to relieve their anxiety and stress about their world. The suggestion of treatment becomes a threat to their safety, because what will they do when they no longer have their eating disorder to hold onto? This sense of threat often leads to social isolation and even deception. They will say they ate when they did not or they will start throwing out clothes that reveal how their body has changed (a topic Morgan will talk about in an upcoming newsletter).
So what can we do to support people with eating disorders and help them into the course of treatment?
- Educate yourself: learn more about what eating disorders are (and, equally as important, what they are not!). Educate yourself on the “why’s and how’s” of eating disorders. Eating disorders are complex diseases that usually cannot be attributed to one specific cause. The nuance of this insight is important in removing shame, negative emotions, stigma and guilt that you may experience as a loved one of someone with an eating disorder.
- Practice communication: talk to other parents and people with lived experiences that can help you practice how you communicate with your loved one about their eating disorders. Everyone’s different, and it is always valuable to get input from a diverse set of people.
- Find support for you: while your main mission is to help your loved one, oftentimes you also need support. As Morgan writes, eating disorders make everyone suffer, and this especially includes the immediate family, friends and other loved ones. There are various support groups that exist for family members including FEAST, NAMI, the Alliance and EDF.
- Families Empowered And Supporting Treatment for Eating Disorders (FEAST): https://www.feast-ed.org/ FEAST is a nonprofit organization created by and formed for caregivers of people with eating disorders.
- National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI): https://www.nami.org/Support-Education/Support-Groups NAMI is a grassroot organization providing support for families and loved ones of people affected by any mental illness.
- Eating Disorder Foundation (EDF): https://eatingdisorderfoundation.org/get-help/ EDF provides support for both family members/loved ones and people with eating disorders.
- National Alliance for Eating Disorders: https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.com/groups/ National Alliance for Eating Disorders, also simply referred to as “the Alliance”, offers virtual and in-person support groups for loved ones.
Learn about the authors
Morgan DiPrimo
Social Media Marketing Specialist
Morgan lived with an eating disorder for many years, and since her recovery, she has been a strong advocate for increasing awareness about eating disorders.
Pernille Bülow, PhD
CEO and Founder
From the age of 11, Pernille struggled with anorexia and other mental illnesses for 15 years. After recovering, Pernille has served as a mentor to people with eating disorders and an advicate to improve access to treatment. Pernille regularly publishes in Psychology Today on the topic of body image.
Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start